I woke up this mornin',
Then I went back to bed
Said I woke up this mornin',
Then I went right back to bed
Got a funny kinda feelin',
Like I got broken glass in my underwear,
And a herd of wild pigs is tryin' to chew off my head
You know what I'm sayin'?

Well, I ain't got no money,
I'm just walkin' down the road
Said I ain't got no money, honey,
So I'm just walkin' down this lonely old road
Well, I wish I could get me some money,
But I forgot my automated teller code

I was born in a paper sack, in the bottom of a sewer
I had to eat dirt clods for breakfast, my family was so poor,
My daddy was a waitress, my mama sold bathroom tile
My brothers and sisters all hated me,'cause I was an only child
I got the blues so bad
Kinda wish I was dead
Maybe I'll blow my brains out, mama
Or maybe I'll, yeah, maybe I'll just go bowlin' instead

I'm just a no-good, scum-sucking, nose-picking, boot-licking,
snivelling, grovelling worthless hunk of slime
Nothin' but a low-down, beer-bellied, bone-headed, pigeon-toed,
turkey-necked, weasel-faced worthless hunk of slime
I guess I've got a pretty low self-image,
maybe it's a chemical imbalance or something
I should probably go and see a doctor about it when I've got the time

Aw, make it talk, son, make it talk

Okay, now make it shut up

Plagues and famine and pestilence always seem to get me down
I always feel so miserable whenever I'm around
I wish somebody would come along, stick a pitchfork through my brain
I'd flush myself right down the toilet, but I'd just clog up the drain
I got the blues so bad,
Kinda wish I was dead
Maybe I'll blow my brains out, mama,
Or maybe I'll go bowling
Or I just might go bowling
Maybe I'll just rent some shoes and go bowling
Maybe I'll join a league, enter a tournament,
put on a stupid-lookin' shirt and go bowling,
Instead