(Chris Clark/Cledus T Judd/Robert Lange/Shania Twain)

If Shania was mine, wouldn't be proud of me,
Couldn't hardly blame her 'cos I'm so durned ugly
But on our first date, we could have a good time,
If I got her on the moonshine

If Shania was mine, say it fit just right,
Though the polyester suit was just a little too tight
And there's no way I'd have a bad hair day,
'Cos I'd buy a new toupee
Oh I'd love to seduce her,
But she married her producer
Now all I do is pray, pray, pray,
She'll get a gay boy some day

If Shania was mine, I'd prob'ly lose my mind,
If she only squeezed me, teased me, pleased me one little time
And if she only knew, all the things I'd do
I'd be the lawn mowing, crop-growing,
'Tato peeling, house cleaning kind
If Shania was mine

Well, If Shania was mine, she'd have to agree,
Can't no-one cook brocceel better than me
And a dozen mountain oysters and some old fatback,
She's says: "Mmmmm I like it like that!"
Now all I do is wonder,
Whose bed her boots have been under
I wish it had've been mine, now, whine, whine,
That girl's so doggone fine

If Shania was mine, I think I'd go slap blind,
Starin' at her yummy little tummy and her booty shakin' round behind
And if she only knew, all the things I'd do
I'd be the lawn mowing, crop-growing,
'Tato peeling, house cleaning kind

If Shania
If Shania
If Shania

Now was that mud lime, or deep white, yokel?
When she shimmies, and shakes, it's more than I can take
Oh, what she does to me in them videos,
Wife's gonna leave me if I don't explain, what I see in Shania Twain
I'd love to see her in a magzine, centrefold if you know what I mean
Oh, me a', oh, my a', I was Shania would buy me a house in South Carolina
Two, four, six, eight, nine, I wish that Shania was mine